Day one.

How do you start a blog, I ask myself? I’m not sure about all this but, I guess i’ll just sit down and write, because that’s what I do and how it works. It was alot easier to create this blog then I thought, and I hope that it turns out to be as helpful for others as I know it may be for me.

I feel like I need to start by looking back, but at the same time, I feel like its to much story telling. Im sure through out my blog there will be plenty of story time. If people have questions once they start reading they can ask. I am always willing to answer. By looking at the title of my blog you can tell there is alot to say, but im not gonna start with the whole freaking story, that would be just NUTS, some here and some there. Eventually, my story of Surviving the Odds of 29 treatment Centers, detoxes, and mental Health stays in my 27 years of life, will become more clear. I have struggled to find freedom from both the disease of Addiction and my Mental Health issues, but I continue to fight them daily and I continue to survive and not let them win. The fight is one of the reasons why I started this blog, I needed a way to get out of my head and to express the daily thoughts and feelings, and to feel as if its okay for me to just put it out there. If others choose to read, GREAT, if not, GREAT as well.

You may ask, why 29 times? Because I am POWERLESS! To me its that simple. Its a difficult thing to explain or understand in my opinion. I know that if I give in to the lies and the crap my head tells me then its all over for me. I may have a head full of RECOVERY KNOWLEDGE, but if I don’t use it, and APPLY it, then it doesn’t really matter anyway.

Due to under going two major reconstructive back surgeries in the last year back to back, I have struggled to stay clean once again. Since the second surgery in July its been the same old battle to get 30 days clean. My head told me the same old familiar lie “I NEED THE PAIN MEDS” and I couldn’t ever get enough!!!!!!! Psych meds, pain meds, every kind of meds, I was on them all, and I was OUT OF CONTROL! It became a very dark lonely place.

Here’s the thing, writing this blog could get painful for me before it could bring me relief because I cant write and not tell the truth. I may find out some of my truths and share them at the same time. I try and remain an open book, to a certain degree as I believe its important to share because as emotional human beings we can identify with each other!

This last year has been tough, but looking at it, what year hasn’t been tough? There is ALWAYS something that makes each year hard on me and my family. This last year I was able to recover from 2 back surgeries and am back on my feet and physically feeling much better. Its just time to mentally pull my head together and to continue surviving and fighting this battle with mental health and addiction as I do everyday. I wake up everyday grateful for another day, even if I have a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and its a dim.